Well, we Brits don’t seem to be getting any actual summer. Nnnnggggg.

Heatwave, come back! Sun, don’t leave us! We’re sorry we slighted you by saying it was far too hot to sleep, breathe or think straight! We were hasty, ill-tongued fools.

Hopefully that’ll appease him. The sulky yellow so-and-so.

While he’s getting his hat on, why not have a butcher’s at this spangly vid from 1977? It’s guaranteed to strike both UVA and UVB into even the cloudiest of hearts. Or your money back.

(We’ve sort of slightly dissed Boney M in the past too, so consider this an olive branch. A sequinned, satin-panted olive branch, with a majestic afro.)