Money, money, money. Nobody’s got any of it and we’re all comfort-eating chocolate. And then splashing out on over-the-counter diet drugs to halt the ‘Obesity Epidemic’, even though that might all be meaningless propaganda. Then we’re dying of deliberate starvation, while simultaneously dropping like flies from all this wretched ‘obesity’.

Disordered? It certainly looks that way. The media, though, not us. Unless we believe in its shrill mind terrorism.

But might the prevailing body aesthetic actually change according to the state of the economy?

Perhaps. A recent Telegraph feature argued that the recession makes curves more fashionable.

There’s an obvious logic to this. When abundance is all around, it’s easier to be fat than thin. Therefore, thinness is harder won and more prized. When your larder is bare and your neighbours are gaunt, all eyes would be on the buxom.

It stands to reason that scarcity equals value, or thereabouts. Like diamonds, or truffles, or a hairdresser who doesn’t snip you an earlobe-length bob when you asked for a trim (been there), it’s not easy for most people to obtain a whippet-shape. So all the ‘best’ people want to. The path of least resistance is always despised. That’s why it’s not that great a leap to take the body shape/economic health thesis seriously.

Besides, we’re already told that women’s clothing fashions are interwoven with economic conditions. In times of plenty (1920s, 1960s, 1980s), hemlines rise. In a recession (1930s, 1970s, 1990s), they fall. At least, that’s what the fashion industry likes to remind us when it wants to convince us how important frocks are to our collective social history archive.

But can we really read body shape like a barometer of fiscal weather? I’m going to stick my neck out here and say… Yes. And then spoil it by adding… Kinda.

Using nothing more sensible than full-fat intuition topped off with a supersized portion of guesswork, I hereby claim that the ‘optimal’ silhouette of 2010 shall be a bigger one than has been popular in the last decade. Not ‘big’, mind, or even plump by any sensible standard. It’ll be extremely slim compared to most women in Britain or the USA. But hollow cheekbones, razor-sharp shoulders and ribs will be so five minutes ago. Rounded hips, rosy cheeks and soft décolletages will be all the rage. Think Betty Grable, not Keira Knightley. Thus spake Queenie.

And I earmark all this for 2010 as that’s when we will be the thick of Great Depression 2, or at least clearing up the detritus of a rather messy recession. Again, guesswork.

In the meantime, have a look around and see if you notice any signs of the zeitgeist changing. Needless to say, it’s not just about women. As recently as last October, the enduring skinny jeans youth fad led to tabloid hysteria about underweight male models – or the rise in“manorexia”, as they inevitably put it. By April this year, it was all over for the gamine man, as far as the fashion world was concerned; “machosexual”, or ‘a bit bigger’, in English, is supposedly the manly shape du jour.

We shall see, people. Let me know if you notice any evidence for or against it, or if you think the general premise sounds plausible or idiotic. I shall be most interested to hear your thoughts.

And I trust you take it for granted that we should ignore all prescriptions for body size and shape. Be the person you are. I hardly think it needs saying, it’s so obvious, and yet it probably bears repeating in case there’s a single person who thinks I’m advocating body shape fads rather than documenting them. God forbid anyone tried to modify themselves on the basis of this piece of fatuous fortune telling. That’d weigh heavily on my conscience, if not your bottom.

Finally, let’s distill this into fashion and beauty supplement language, since we’re on their turf. It’s only polite.

GOING UP: Milkmaids, healthy glow, gender roles, carbs, buttock implants.

GOING DOWN: Opium fiends, pale and interesting, androgyny, Atkins, liposuction.

Incidentally, if anyone from Vogue’s reading this, please have a large hot chocolate and an eclair at once. Your Body Talk issue this month left me lost for words. Especially you and your lifelong starvation campaign, Christa D’Souza. Good gracious.